for outrage to come when the threat is large and late-stage developed.

It’s hard to accept responsibility for its having fuel enough to get there.

A puzzle in my head today is, what if the conveniences we enjoy, the entertainments we count on for existence, what if these are always the stepping stones to whatever wild frenzy of destructive things particular to any given time in history, human or otherwise?

I have a stock email from my congressional representative in my inbox right now.

There are grammatical errors in it. Odd, given certain political platforms and opinions, but ok, fine. Grammar’s dynamic anyway. And maybe they’re intentional grammar play, a thing I love.

There are meaning errors in it. Odd, but ok. Hm. … maybe less fine? Or more fine, in that it produces even more questions, reveals even more juicy detail.

“I came to Congress to fight for Eastern Washington — its values and its people.”

“fight” — define. Boxing? No. Jousting? No. Sword fighting? No. Debating? Schmoozing? Fudging here to get something there?

“its” “values” — Eastern Washington’s? Do you mean individuals of Eastern Washington? Animals of Eastern Washington? Plants, fungi, bacteria? Who makes up Eastern Washington? And then, what’s a value? And then, what are you supposing the values of all the constituents of Eastern Washington to be? Do you have an exhaustive list? How do you fight for person A’s value Z and also person Z’s value A, where A and Z are apparently directly opposed? What does that fight look like? These aren’t novel questions, but stock email text with words on words that I hardly believe or know what to think of, are still acceptable enough for a congressional rep to send out, so the questions still surface.

But another thing I was thinking as I was thinking these things was this: “AI” is the talk of the town atm. Specifically its threat, to creativity, to wildlife, to wild places, to ecosystems, to jobs, to thought, to purpose, to human life and other life and to the entire planet and the entire universe.

Also Donald Trump’s administration is pushing edits to the Endangered Species Act to remove barriers to things like offshore drilling.

These are just “two” things, which I don’t pretend to know inside out and which I just recapped using a few words I’ve chosen which may or may not give an accurate representation of the matters at hand and which are words chosen based on my own personal history, my own personal viewpoints, my own personal rock-n-roll awesome Electric Capri sunglass lenses, my second pair because I lost the first pair on a flight home from Charlotte to Spokane, which was a sad thing and at the same time a moment of 1. hoping that someone else might find and enjoy them and 2. being detached from things as they come and go we come and go it comes and goes and 3. fully feeling what it is to feel sad about a thing and also grateful for having a thing that was nice enough to feel sad about and also feeling free from it all as I watch myself go through all these things from 3 or 8 or 15 different angles and perches all over the cosmos and 4. deciding I wouldn’t necessarily get another pair, at least not right away, that I’d wait the same way I waited between the time of originally finding them in goldbug in Sullivan’s island — an island in South Carolina, across the bridge from Charleston, which we’d gotten to by flying in a fossil-fuel-fueled airplane to Charlotte then driving in a fossil-fuel-fueled SUV to Charleston (and even it were electric that doesn’t solve the issue of element mining and guzzling) using map and GPS services through a phone made by extracting resources willy nilly like mad out of the earth to meet the demands of all of us who want high-speed access all the time and who get mad at all the other drivers out there and hate on the traffic while we’re sitting in our driver seats trying to get to our beach house for a little r&r which means lodging for a time in a beachhouse with a lovely view right out to the water because it was built very close to the grassy sandy shoreline in a way that very likely had some impact of some sort on all the living things around it and a person could debate about what “living things” means even because what’s “living” to someone might not be “living” to someone else even though a textbook might have you believe that there’s a clear and simple “biological” classification to delineate between the one group and the other — well I’d tried on the sunglasses, and Nick said they were dropkick, not verbatim, but basically he was like wow those look great. Not verbatim. Thereby making the matte black Electric Capri sunglasses the next product goal in my head, and I won’t run through a non-exhaustive list of the environmental impact things in my head this time, but they’re there. I also practice on a regular basis delayed gratification but at the same time fill my life with so many oodles of joy there’s almost not space for them so they flow right onto the page. So, call it August when I found the sunglasses. I waited til Black Friday to get them on sale because at full price, and even on sale, it’s not the most comfortable purchase to make. But it’s the choice to buy the one primo, not the many unprimo. It’s the choice to be transported when I put them on, not just “protected” from the sun or whatever. I got them, I loved them, I waited through the Spokane winter where the sun shines little and the cold lingers, then lingers some more. I wore them as soon and as often as I could. Then they fell out of my bag on the airplane never to be seen to my eyes again [yet]. So I decided I wasn’t just going to immediately get a new pair. I’d go without for a bit, not a punishment, just a moment of space. A moment of intentional saving to get myself another pair. I also emailed Electric and told them my story and asked if they ever happen to give a discount for a dear sweet person who lost her love (the sunglasses), who means to get another pair, but the said pair is outside her budget. You know what Electric did? They gave me a discount code. I can’t even believe it still, but they did. I saved it, waiting for the matte black capris to be back in stock, but they weren’t, and they weren’t, and they weren’t, and a sale came so I got the gloss. I got the gloss!

The funny thing about “two” things, the whole part of counting that stumps me, is why did I count “two” things up above, when it might be more like, you know, an infinity of things?

But two sentences, in “my own” words, referencing

(<<I feel like, ((aka I feel it inside me and haven’t researched the word’s documented history)) at one point this “wasn’t a word” or at least not an SAT approved one, until people used it enough for it to become a word, which is both a funny thing with Being, and a funny thing about humans, that we lay into people who use “unwords,” (((though how can they use a thing that doesn’t exist))) until enough people use the unword that it’s codified and official and that’s what gives it acceptable being status. Odd also.)

*some* threats, were little diving boards I was jumping off from into the deep, to questions like, wait aren’t we all responsible all along for all the things that unfold? Like, a teeny tiny phytoplankton just floated past me, representing, say, all the emails floating around out there, all the texts and communications, regarding all sorts of things, from dry cleaning schedules to congressional promises to save-the-ocean updates to *Electric Sunglasses* sales. One tiny phytoplankton aspect of a system, but an aspect that invites a person to trace and track, to wonder, to think, hm, maybe there could’ve been a time in the past to lay the groundwork for steady and gentle development of “responsible” and “thoughtful” “data centers” even though the future is unknown and we have yet to figure out how to see it.

Except there is a way to see it.

Maybe. Past, present, future…they all operate in “black matter” of Being, all around, the stuff the little time planets float around in.

I’m doing my deep ocean plunge, scanning my being. What’s it made of, what’s its quality? Who am I to myself, to my kids?

A lady’s dad’s dad was hurt. A lady’s dad’s dad hurt her dad. A lady’s dad was hurt. A lady’s dad hurt his kids. The lady was hurt. The lady did not hurt her kids. She did not berate them. She did not negate their emotions. She did not hit them, spank them (which is hitting) or yell at them. She did not hit them for hitting someone else then tell them not to hit. She did not hate herself. Because she did not hate herself she did not punish her kids for things she really just hated herself for. She also did not punish or destroy other people for the things she really just hated herself for, because she did not hate herself. She laid the groundwork for “thoughtful” “responsible” development. Gentle coexistence with the world around her.

Anyway it’s easy to sit on “should’ve”s but it’s an illusion. We did what we did we’ve done what we done. What do we want to do now? What are the coulds and woulds? No time like the present.

Of course, my congressional rep might say to me, who is “we”? Eastern Washington? Its values? What do you really mean anyway?

Well, I don’t know, but I meant to stop writing at 9, it’s now 9:53, and I’m delayed on my goal of making the living room look nice.