My kids are so fun, and I love hanging out with them.

When one of my kids is leaning aggressive, or pinchy, or kicky, or passive aggressive, or unkind, or into groan-zone:

1. I re-center on my “we” pronoun — it’s not a shocking thing they do. It’s a common thing we all do or might do.

2. I see it as a call for affirmation, not harsh correction.

3. I aim for direct conflict resolution, not avoidance, and

4. I encourage behavior based on joy and collaboration, not punishment.

Flo is a strong spirit and has been working through a lot. She’s been leaning a lot toward pinchy hitty groan zones.

I want her to look to me and see I love and affirm her. Not to see that I disapprove of her, don’t want her company.

I feel like lately it’s been more taxing to me, due to cross pollination from outside voices: parents being flummoxed by their kids, people carry heavy concern about moral development, people passing along generational threads of disappointment that their parents passed to them.

It’s a deep and tangled forest I’ll walk through to work through to what I believe. I’ll walk and think for hours on steps on hours. But I think what I come to is this:

I delight in Flo. I delight in her spirit and will power. I will not answer her dislike of cages by trying to cage her more. I will keep my long term-goggles on and my trust-the-process goggles, and I’ll remind her there’s another way. I’ll tell her I love her, but I’ll let her feel it in my vibes and see it in my eyes.

Reprogramming. Changing the game.