We can’t wait around for someone to make it right for us. We just have to build the rightness, inside out. It’s a lot of experimentation in materials, a lot of process testing. My baby says she’s going back to mama, she sees me typing and wiggles into my lap. I feel my space closing, and it reveals I need to build another room. Her needs are my needs, not that they’re the same, but I need just like she needs. I see my goal: be a space. Which is not a negation of self. It’s a forming of self. I think of houses with nice spaces. They’re not un-houses for having nice spaces. They’re more-houses for having it, and that’s what I’m building. I quickly build, in a matter of five eye blinks, a space. She will know in that instant, she is loved and wanted. I see people around me vying for affirmation, I suspect because in those early instances they were left questioning, am I loved and wanted? So now, thirty forty fifty etc years later, they’re looking for affirmation everywhere with nothing solid inside to stand on. So here’s my baby, and I’m like, let’s see if we can rewrite the code. I read job descriptions and come to the company description and see things like, committed to progress, innovation. We are, we are so committed to it. And also we’re trudging through the same sludge inside us. I don’t think we’re so different from the long-agos, or the more-recent long-agos. I see and hear things people say, about how “we’ve lost” this or that thing, or “society now…” I always wonder, is it really any different? What stands out to me is that an older generation will bemoan decry admonish dismiss deride lament a younger. I hear it and wonder, who are the parents? Ah, yes, we are the parents. Why do we point the finger at our own young, hardly realizing that they are we, we are they? A lady I know talks about younger generations not seeking wisdom from elders anymore. And 1. it seems too vague to be right, an Oz behind a curtain and if you were to lift it you’d find a hurt little being, wishing to feel needed; 2. I do see people ask things of elders; 3. when they have reason to respect the elder. My dad is my elder but I will not seek his advice on what to do when my kid is emotionally overwhelmed because history would show his advice would be, spank them; 4. so why stop there, why not ask, why doesn’t someone ask me, what can I do to be a trusted source for someone; 5. why do I want to be asked?…And when I get to that question I build more of my house with materials like: I do not want to be asked, unless that is a help to the asker. I do not need to be the one asked, as long as the asker has someone to trust and confide in. If an asker does not want to ask me because I have not earned their respect, I’d be happy for them to tell my why I have not earned their respect, and what can I do to be a more receptive being. And that’s another thing, I don’t want respect because of age, or because of relation. I want it because of behavior, experience, evidence. Several things are happening at the moment: my daughter is telling my husband to read a page one more time and is talking over his words to ask him about body parts and if he’s a male and is mom not and is she not and is her sister not and is her brother a male, and the toilet upstairs just flushed which is likely my oldest, and I just built more framing in my headspace and am feeling at ease in my space despite many secret things that threaten that ease, things which I’d tell you about but I’m out of time, and my fingers are still typing and my phone buzzed and I just remembered Johnny Flynn, who always reminds me to love the world, to be in love with the world, all the things around us and in us.